Deep Dive: The shameful things the boys yelled in the classroom!
*TW talk about shaming and pressuring women
If you grew up in the UK or Ireland then you will probably be able to relate to some of the things said in this post.
I was a 90s baby, where diet culture was oozing from the seams and toxic mainstream media filled our TV screens.
A random thought from my school days popped into my head recently. I remembered some of the things the boys would insult the girls with in class to try embarrass them. These insults to me were ‘normal’ to hear in school so much so that I still remember pretty much all of them. At the time you don’t realise that these slurs are toxic and feeding a narrative of shaming and degrading women. And the sad thing is you think that it’s just boys being boys! I was a naive child as it was, so I believed the meaning behind most of them! And of course the lack of education around these topics was another major reason why I and so many others took these things as gospel.
Let’s have a look at some of them in more detail.
“Her fannys so loose you wouldn't be able to feel a thing”
This statement would usually be said to the girl who’s ‘known’ for sleeping around. It’s basically saying because shes slept with multiple people her vagina will be stretched. The guys would shout this out in class to belittle the girl and to try and impress their shitty mates. Because of the lack of sex education I personally had in school I thought this was true for a lot of my school years, but this is a myth and completely and utterly created to shame vulva owners for their sex lives. There's no such thing as a “loose” or “tight” vagina. Your vagina may change over time due to age and childbirth, but it won't lose its stretch permanently.
“You’re such a slut”
This is one I think most vulva owners can relate to because let’s face it in school you were called a slut even if you just kissed more than one boy so it didn't take much to be deemed one. You were also called a prude if you didn't do anything, so the point is, you can’t win either way so do what you want. Kiss as many people as you like, sleep with as many as you like as long as you are practicing safe sex and enjoying it fuck what anyone else says!
“Don’t go near that one you'll catch an STI”
Another one to shame girls for being sexually active because in school the guys thought if you slept with someone you automatically had an STI. They also thought you could catch an STI from just talking to someone. If they had better education on how a person can actually catch an STI they might not have used this insult!. STIs are transmitted through body fluids such as vaginal fluids, anal/butt fluids, pre-ejaculate, ejaculate/semen and blood, or sometimes through skin to skin contact.
Slurs like this just feed into the stigma of STI’s and makes it a shameful subject to talk about before you even get to adulthood. It’s no wonder even in adulthood they are still such a shameful subject. How can we prevent STI’s if we are so afraid to talk about them that the younger generation never learn much about them. Education gives us power to make better choices and have an understanding of best practices to help keep us safe. Schools need to educate and be part of a positive change in discussing and destigmatising STIs!
“You would be hotter if you lost a bit of weight”
Yep, body shaming at its finest, something that happened a lot in school. These guys were all so familiar with watching mainstream porn which meant they automatically had the same ‘sexy girl’ vision in their heads. Thin, blonde, big boobs and big ass! Porn and mainstream media have a massive part to play in a lot of toxic narratives boys portray. If this is all young boys are shown then this is all they will know. This is why it’s so important to support businesses/artists /creators that promote diversity and show the world there are a variety of bodies out there and they are not there to be deemed as ‘beautiful’ or for ‘men’s visual pleasure but to just be. To carry a person through the day, to be soft, squishy, to bring life into the world, to bleed , to weep and to exist for you and only you.
“Don’t go near that girl she’ll give you blue balls the bit*h”
This one was often used to shame the girls for not ‘finishing’ a guy off. Translated, what they were really saying was ‘no matter how much I pressured her, even though I knew she didn't want to, she wouldn't give in and wank me off’. Yeah unbelievably this is seen as derogatory to the girl not the guy! This is one that often lasts into adulthood as well, yup grown ass men still try and use this as a tactic on women!
Yes there is such a thing as blue balls but he can use his own fucking hands to relive himself instead of pressuring you into an act you are not comfortable with.
Blue balls are known medically as epididymal hypertension (EH). Epididymal hypertension can occur when a penis owner becomes sexually aroused for an extended period of time but does not have an orgasm. But remember ladies, he is perfectly capable of reaching this orgasm without your input.
“Fishy Flaps”
This one was used to shame women for menstruating. Making it into something dirty, unhygienic and shameful! I hated carrying pads around in my schoolbag because the fear of the boys seeing one was very real! You will probably know people to this day who hate having to take a pad out in a public space. There’s this big hush hush secret feel well into your adult years about being on your period! It has to end! It’s normal to bleed, it’s not unhygienic it is a part of nature just as our bodies are!
We need to educate all genders about menstruating not just vulva owners. That’s the only way to destigmatise it and understand periods. There are many other things about that time of month that everyone should also know about such as PMS, PMDD, Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS) and many other topics that need to be covered. A lot of people go undiagnosed with these disorders because of the lack of education around the symptoms.
It all leads back to education
I am sure you can see a pattern here, shaming and degrading behavior towards women. It’s no wonder women grow up to feel they are less worthy. The list could go on and I’m sure this has reminded you of a few slurs that were used in your school. But I hope this blog post has given you some sort of a laugh and made you realise how ridiculous some of these things sounded.
To a 13 year old these things can sound believable and if you have a lack of RSE (Relationships and Sex Education) then you have nothing to teach you these things are a load of shit!
Share this post with friends, family or a young person to remind them not to feed into anything derogatory that the boys use to shame them! Because growing up can be a confusing and difficult time for a lot of young folk as it is and letting these narratives continue through generations will only continue the cycle of shame and stigma well into adult life.